I can’t even believe I am writing this but I officially feel
like an adult..I have 2 kids!! I’m sure most people would say monumental events
like moving out, getting engaged, getting married, or having a child would make
them an adult but until now I felt like I was still 16 playing pretend. But now
I look around my apartment and I am a mother of 2 and I suddenly feel all grown
up.
It feels like yesterday that I was writing my blog about my
delivery with Jagger and how easy breezy it was. I assumed all of my birthing
experiences would be the same but boy was I wrong. I don’t mean to scare any of
you but I’m going to give it to you straight. Let me start by saying my entire
9 months of pregnancy was amazing. I felt great, I never threw up and I was
able to wear most of my non-maternity clothes till the very end. I was extremely lucky and I knew it. As my
final days of pregnancy approached I didn’t even think about the birth, hadn’t
packed my hospital bag and hadn’t really thought about how my life was about to
change. I was simply too busy entertaining Jagger, packing my apartment to move
and working on getting a new business off the ground (that’s w hole other blog
itself which will be coming soon!!)
No big deal, just 3
major life moments all within weeks of one another.
Anyway on Monday night I started feeling really off, beyond
exhausted, nauseas and just blah. I knew
this baby was telling me they are getting ready to make their grand entrance. I
went to bed Tuesday night (my birthday) feeling like shit. I had such bad
cramps and a lot of back pain. I woke up at midnight with what felt like the
worst period cramps every 30-40 minutes. I didn’t want to wake Shai yet so I
tried to tough it out. By 3am I was in the living room doubled over in pain. I
went to our room, tapped Shai on the shoulder and told him in the calmest way
that I was in labor…it was kind of eerie how calm I was. He looks up at me in a
semi panic that he had just taken
NyQuill 2 hour’s ago- perfect. I got in the shower while he packed a bag
and before I knew it we were headed to Mt Sinai. The cab ride up was hell, I’m
pretty sure the driver was afraid I was going to give birth in his cab because
I was crying as each contraction came, so he drove all of 5 miles an hour
thinking it would relax me. Wrong buddy,
very very wrong.
Within minutes of arriving at the hospital I was checked in
and made my way to the delivery room. The OB on call was already there
delivering someone else and thank god for that. She checked me and I was
already 6cm dilated. I knew it, I had waited to long to go in. I BEGGED for
anesthesia to come right away but the next 20 minutes of waiting was hell. My
contractions were minutes apart and totally unbearable. They finally came in
and when she was threading my catheter I knew something wasn’t right. I felt
everything and it did not feel good! As I waited for it to kick in I started
feeling numb on my left side but my right side felt totally normal. I called
them in twice to check it but they kept assuring me if I lay on my right side
the epidural would take to that side…WRONG! It never did and as the next hour
went on I felt every contraction. After a while I started to panic as the pain
got worse and worse. I made the doctor check me again and I was 10 cm- it was
time to push and I wasn’t numb. What the FUCK. Everything happened so fast but
before I knew it I had Shai on one side of me and my sister on the other and I
was pushing this child out. Without getting too graphic I will tell you that
the next 15 minutes I experienced the worst pain of my life. I cried and
screamed through the whole delivery. I
felt the baby’s head, I felt the episiotomy and I felt the stitches. I don’t wish this pain on my worst enemy, it
was inhumane and I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would voluntarily not
get an epidural and choose to feel this way!!! You are a bunch of twisted
bitches J
While this was complete torture I was in absolute shock when
she told me I had a daughter- OMG! When they put her on my chest all the pain I
went through went away and nothing mattered but her. She was so cute and tiny and looked exactly
like Jagger did when he was born, but with a vagina.
While I’m pretty sure she thinks my baby nurse is her mom
because I hardly get to see her (2 kids is SO different than 1) I could not be
more obsessed. She is so sweet and cuddly and I can’t believe I have a
daughter. Now I just have to make sure I don’t fuck her up!!
