Here come the waterworks!

I think I need to buy stocks in Kleenex because I can’t stop crying. I don’t know if its all the hormones flowing through my body, exhaustion because I haven’t slept through the night in 5 months or I’m just plain scared. Whatever it is, I don’t like it. This all started about a week ago and I literally cant stop. I’m generally fine during the day, going about my regular activities of playing with Tyler, doing errands and going to the gym. But once the sunsets and I start to wind down, reality sets in and I start to bawl. For starters I have become terrified of the delivery. I’m not sure when this fear started but the thought of being in a hospital with an IV in my arm, an epidural in back and a catheter up my nish is really freaking me out! I’m not even afraid of needles or blood so what is wrong with me?!  Once I get past getting pricked and prodded I need to actually get the baby out which brings a whole new set of problems. What if the babies head doesn’t fit (according to our growth scan its “slightly larger than average”, thanks Shai!) or what if there is some crazy complication putting me or the baby in danger, Yes these are the things I’m constantly thinking about and its making me nuts!

Now lets say I get through the delivery and god willing all goes well…I’m now a mother! Holy shit! It’s no longer about Shai and me but I will be responsible for a baby’s life..How can I be responsible for a baby when I am still a child myself?? I run to mommy and daddy for all my problems and now someone is going to run to me. Will I have the right answers? Will I be able to help them? Keep them happy? I have become terrified about what kind of mother I will be and how to make sure I don’t royally f*ck this kid up. I keep hearing mothers intuition kicks in as soon as you see your baby and I am praying it does. I have had amazing practice with my nephew Tyler and I love him with all my heart but at the end of the day, I get to go home to my quiet apartment. When you have a baby you don’t get to go home to a quiet apartment, craziness and chaos becomes your reality.

Now that being said, I have also never been more excited for something in my whole life. In less than six weeks I get to meet this little baby that has been growing in my belly for last 34 weeks and I cant wait. I can’t wait to see if it’s a boy or a girl, if it has my skin or Shai’s nose and if my heart can possibly grown any bigger than it already is. Baby Shustik, as much as you scare me, I already love you more than know and I promise to do everything I can to keep you safe and happy.

The crazy has come out!

Being a Capricorn I’m astrologically a non-confrontational person. I absolutely hate arguing with people and literally cant stand people being upset with me. There are very few things that get me worked up but the number one is when people disrespect me or my family. Before I share my latest outburst I think I need to take you back to 2002. I’m a senior in High School and my sister was a senior in college. She needed a dress from some formal so we took a family trip to Cami in Roslyn. My sister was about 5 dresses in and nothing was working out. The owner of the store was getting annoyed and rudely stated that she “doesn’t have time for us if were not serious buyers”. I calmly turned to her to tell her how disgusting she was to talk to customers like that but instead of her apologizing she got nastier telling us were wasting her time and we couldn’t afford her store. I felt my blood rise, my body go numb and I literally went nuts. I started screaming at the top of lungs telling her I would never spend a dollar in her store and I would make sure no one I knew ever would either. I turn around for support from my parents and I see them slowly backing out of the store as if they don’t even know me!! Liat is in the dressing room still and no help either. I am alone brawling with this evil bitch. The screaming got louder and louder until she literally picked up and carried me out of her store! My parents were humiliated and my poor sister was scrambling to get dressed and get the hell out of the dressing room to see what her psycho sister just did. Like I said…don’t f*ck with me or my family.

Now lets fast-forward to last week where unfortunately I had another “cami moment”. I have been shopping for a crib and dresser for literally 3 months. I’ve been to every store in NYC and spent hours on baby sites going back and forth on what furniture I want. I finally decided on this brand Dutalier that I saw at buybuybaby with my mom. Their pricing was standard for the brand but their delivery was high so we decided to call Schneider’s in Chelsea to see if they could give us a better price. They told me over the phone they would be much cheaper but could only give me numbers in person. The next day I dragged my mama to Chelsea so we could finally order my furniture and I could check it off my list. I was all excited to finalize the furniture until my bubble was bursted. The owner tells me it’s the same price as Buybuybaby but we will save $50 on shipping. Ummm WHAT?!?! I look at her and semi kindly ask her if she’s serious...Is that all she’s giving me off? She did not like my remark and starts saying- well I didn’t realize $50 off wasn’t a discount and getting worked up. Yup you guessed it, I felt my blood rise, my body go numb and I went off. I’m not sure why getting a discount bothered me so much but I was getting so upset. I started screaming telling her its ridiculous that that’s all I was getting off and she wasted my time making me trek to Chelsea. She got so angry she literally threw a catalog on the counter and told me to get out of her store. I felt so disrespected so my yelling got louder and louder. I once again turned to my mom for support but she stood there like a statue, her face bright red looking at me like I am some psycho bitch who should be placed in an insane asylum. The tears started streaming and I couldn’t calm myself down...I was making the mother of all scenes. My mom eventually pulled me aside and told me I was wrong and needed to calm the hell down. Although I didn’t want to I made myself take a deep breath and calm down.  I told the owner I was under the impression I would be getting a better price and the combination of stress and hormones were lethal. She apologized and for some reason I accepted.

The craziest part of all is that I spent the next hour shopping at her store, switched all my furniture to a different brand and spend well over $4,000 at Schneider’s that day. The lesson of the day, pregnancy makes you f*uckin nuts and people need to BEWARE!