The Storm

So you know the saying “when it rains it pours”, well these past 2 weeks have been a freakin hurricane! Let me take it from the top.

 About 2 weeks ago I’m about to give J a bath when all of a sudden I feel nauseous. I’m thinking it will pass but as the minutes go by it gets worse and worse. I look at Shai, tell him he’s on his own and make a beeline for the bathroom. I’m sitting over the toilet and nothing will come out but I feel like I’m gonna die. I decided to stick my fingers down my throat because something needed to come out (The only upside to having my adolescence destroyed by an eating disorder). I literally cannot stop throwing up. Once it finally stops I take a look in the mirror and think OMG, I’m pregnant. I share what just happened with Shai and he looks like he won the goddam lottery. He could not be happier.  While he’s busy naming our second child, I take a test and thank g-d its negative. However within days my family went down like dominos. First Kev, then Tyler, then Liat, damn stomach bug. I’m thinking somehow J is in the clear but no chance I’m that lucky. One afternoon after a play date I pick him up out of the stroller and this kid made me his bitch. He threw up ALL over me. It was honestly one of the saddest things I’ve ever seen and I felt so helpless. Fortunately for us he only threw up twice but let me tell you, it was 2X too many. As the days went on he wasn’t throwing up anymore but still a mess. He used to take an 8oz a bottle (yes my sons an animal) and I was now force-feeding him 4oz. It got so bad that some bottles he refused to take at all and we had to give him pedialite so he at least got electrolytes. This stomach bug was lingering in my baby big time.

The days were becoming really hard because feeding was so stressful. I literally wouldn’t breath during feedings because I was afraid any movement would make him stop. This went on for so many days that I was convinced he was trying to slim down for his first summer in the Hamptons. I finally got to ask Dr Barry and he said the world is just much more interesting to him now and he would rather look around than eat and being sick didn’t help him…awesome!

As hard as the days were, the nights were become a nightmare too. Jagger has been sleeping through the night (7pm-7am) beautifully for almost a month now but 2 weeks ago when the “storm” started his nights turned into a mess too.  He started waking up every single morning at 5am crying. We would look in the monitor and he seemed to be stuck in the top left corner of his crib. Sidenote- he sleeps on his tummy now that he rolls over so I think that makes it even harder to move out. How the hell does he even get all the way up there, the kid doesn’t crawl?!?! So for the first few nights Shai or I would move him back to middle of the crib and he would go back to sleep.  Once the bug happened we were afraid he was hungry because he was hardly eating during the day so I would feed him, then put him back down. Well this kept on going for days so we said no more food and we would just move him. Well after consulting with Donna (my guru from the Big City moms support group), I came to learn it’s a 4-month sleep regression. Seriously! WTF, Just as they start sleeping you get hit with this bullshit! So the new rule last night was to let him cry for up to 12 minutes, if he doesn’t stop only go in then and get him back to sleep. Well Shai and I were all ready to leave him and what does this kid do? He sleeps till 720 this morning! You literally never know what you’re going to get!

If this isn’t enough to call these 2 weeks a storm, Shai catches the bug yesterday. I’m pretty sure it’s a man thing, not a Shai thing but he has been the worst out of everyone! All he does is complain and wine like a little bitch and I can honestly say my 4 month old was more of a man about it than he was. As he finally started feeling better someone up there decides to hit me with the ultimate F U and after 15 months thought it was a good time for me to get my period. Holy Shit!!!!! To say this has been a rough 2 weeks is an understatement. I must deserve a medal, or at least a cookie cake.

The craziest thing about this all, is that at the end of every long hard day, I plant a fat French kiss on my son’s mouth and tell him I love him more than life, because I do. He has my heart forever and he is my everything.