Its a girl!!!

I can’t even believe I am writing this but I officially feel like an adult..I have 2 kids!! I’m sure most people would say monumental events like moving out, getting engaged, getting married, or having a child would make them an adult but until now I felt like I was still 16 playing pretend. But now I look around my apartment and I am a mother of 2 and I suddenly feel all grown up.

It feels like yesterday that I was writing my blog about my delivery with Jagger and how easy breezy it was. I assumed all of my birthing experiences would be the same but boy was I wrong. I don’t mean to scare any of you but I’m going to give it to you straight. Let me start by saying my entire 9 months of pregnancy was amazing. I felt great, I never threw up and I was able to wear most of my non-maternity clothes till the very end.  I was extremely lucky and I knew it. As my final days of pregnancy approached I didn’t even think about the birth, hadn’t packed my hospital bag and hadn’t really thought about how my life was about to change. I was simply too busy entertaining Jagger, packing my apartment to move and working on getting a new business off the ground (that’s w hole other blog itself which will be coming soon!!)

 No big deal, just 3 major life moments all within weeks of one another.

Anyway on Monday night I started feeling really off, beyond exhausted, nauseas and just blah.  I knew this baby was telling me they are getting ready to make their grand entrance. I went to bed Tuesday night (my birthday) feeling like shit. I had such bad cramps and a lot of back pain. I woke up at midnight with what felt like the worst period cramps every 30-40 minutes. I didn’t want to wake Shai yet so I tried to tough it out. By 3am I was in the living room doubled over in pain. I went to our room, tapped Shai on the shoulder and told him in the calmest way that I was in labor…it was kind of eerie how calm I was. He looks up at me in a semi panic that he had just taken  NyQuill 2 hour’s ago- perfect. I got in the shower while he packed a bag and before I knew it we were headed to Mt Sinai. The cab ride up was hell, I’m pretty sure the driver was afraid I was going to give birth in his cab because I was crying as each contraction came, so he drove all of 5 miles an hour thinking it would relax me.  Wrong buddy, very very wrong.

Within minutes of arriving at the hospital I was checked in and made my way to the delivery room. The OB on call was already there delivering someone else and thank god for that. She checked me and I was already 6cm dilated. I knew it, I had waited to long to go in. I BEGGED for anesthesia to come right away but the next 20 minutes of waiting was hell. My contractions were minutes apart and totally unbearable. They finally came in and when she was threading my catheter I knew something wasn’t right. I felt everything and it did not feel good! As I waited for it to kick in I started feeling numb on my left side but my right side felt totally normal. I called them in twice to check it but they kept assuring me if I lay on my right side the epidural would take to that side…WRONG! It never did and as the next hour went on I felt every contraction. After a while I started to panic as the pain got worse and worse. I made the doctor check me again and I was 10 cm- it was time to push and I wasn’t numb. What the FUCK. Everything happened so fast but before I knew it I had Shai on one side of me and my sister on the other and I was pushing this child out. Without getting too graphic I will tell you that the next 15 minutes I experienced the worst pain of my life. I cried and screamed through the whole delivery.  I felt the baby’s head, I felt the episiotomy and I felt the stitches.  I don’t wish this pain on my worst enemy, it was inhumane and I can’t wrap my head around why anyone would voluntarily not get an epidural and choose to feel this way!!! You are a bunch of twisted bitches J

While this was complete torture I was in absolute shock when she told me I had a daughter- OMG! When they put her on my chest all the pain I went through went away and nothing mattered but her.  She was so cute and tiny and looked exactly like Jagger did when he was born, but with a vagina.

While I’m pretty sure she thinks my baby nurse is her mom because I hardly get to see her (2 kids is SO different than 1) I could not be more obsessed. She is so sweet and cuddly and I can’t believe I have a daughter. Now I just have to make sure I don’t fuck her up!!